Dear Prudence

Some time ago, I was called a prude after closing my eyes, plugging my ears, and loudly singing “la la la” as a sex scene played out in a movie. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but that term has rarely (if) ever come up in that list.

Curmudgeon? Sure. Asshole? Maybe. But PRUDE? Come on. You can’t be serious.

One thing I love about the act of cleaning (besides being an OCD nutjob) is that it gives me a moment of tranquility to really analyze things that I’m normally too distracted to think about. And during one of my daily cleanings of the apartment last week, I started to dig deep about why sex scenes in films tend to bother me so much. Why is it that I cheer when a zombie gets his head blown off, but have to look away when there’s on-screen boning? How come I can recite every dick and fart joke in the book, but a moan of sexual joy makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat?

Well, let’s take a little trip into my bizarre psyche. Follow me.

Let me start by stating that it’s not the act of sex itself that bothers me so much. Sex is in our nature. We enjoy it. But the problem for me, personally, is that it’s so gratuitous in film and media. We’re living in a hypersexocracy, and you can’t watch TV or browse the internet without finding something sexual or subliminally sexual. Hell, there’s even sexual innuendos in children’s cartoons. To be quite frank, I’m just tired of being force-fed sex like we’re a bunch of animals who’s only purpose on earth is to procreate or reach the big O.

Now I will admit that I’ve watched porn a time or three. I don’t have a problem with pornography within the pornographic realm. But I don’t want porn invading my movies, and vice versa. If the sex isn’t relevant to the plot of the film, it doesn’t need to be thrown in for shock value or so-called artistic expression. (That is, unless it’s expected i.e. exploitation films.) But if it is necessary and relevant to the plot, it doesn’t need to go overboard. For example, I finally watched ‘Two Lovers‘ the other night, and guess what? There were sex scenes. But the sex scenes didn’t bother me. Know why? Simply because they didn’t expose a lot of skin, they weren’t hardcore, and they didn’t go on for a ridiculous amount of time. You don’t need  to see boobs bouncing around for 5 minutes to know that people are getting it on. So stop dumbing movies down, and stop selling sex in movies that aren’t about sex.

Alright, I’m getting scarily close to writing a book’s worth of ranting now. And the fact that I’m wearing a knitted cat hat, Grinch pajama pants, a fuzzy bathrobe and monkey slippers while I write this makes it even more looney. Basically what I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I’m necessarily a prude. Maybe I have old fashioned ways built into me due to my upbringing in the south, but I feel it’s more a matter of decency.  Do I sound crazy, or does anyone else feel the same way?

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The Beatles – Dear Prudence

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Siouxsie & The Banshees – Dear Prudence (Beatles Cover)